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Swiss Chocolate.

Today was so fun.

I basically hung out my house til about 1:30ish when I went to Southlake to meet up with Simone and Kerstin! We hung around Town Center to promote Green River Ordinance. I can tell I've gotten alot better about talking to random people because I wasn't shy or nervous about talking to the random girls looking at me like I was crazy! haha. I got alot of CD's passed out and we hung up 2 signs...3 are currently being approved hahaha. It was fun tho!

After that we went back to Simones. We played Apples to Apples. So yea, that game is really interesting. Then we watched Disturbia. It was a good movie!! It was my first time seeing it.

While watching we ate AWESOME Swiss cookies and Swiss chocolate...omg Kerstin is awesome.

I believe we also tried to learn the Hoedown Throwdown....and failed.

OH OH OH OH OH OH OHHHHHHHHHH I also got a call from Cathy at Daireds, aparently Daired is looking to open up little locations while we wait for the actual Daired's building is back up and running...sooo yea. I still have a job? =P I also got an offer from another place...Of course that would happen =)

Then we went to Wal-mart...I bought stuff I didn't need of course and these AMAZING Chedder Pretzals...they are ADDICTING...

Those are the highlights..It was a good day =)

Pop it.Lock it.Polka dot it.

So tonight. I totally tried to learn the hoedown throwdown.

Yea. I did.

and guess what. I am SUPER excited to see The Hannah Montana Movie. It comes out April 10th..3 days after Simone's Birthday and 2 days before mine...yup..19 and 21..and we are going to see it for our birthday!

Today was Josie's wedding shower. It was so fun. I have more responsibilities..I have to take all the ribbons from the gifts and make some masterpiece...she will use it as a faux bouquet for her to use on her rehearsal night...haha, another tradition I had NO CLUE about...I have even done my research...I hope no one thinks I'm slacking on my MOH duties.

Tomorrow I'm going to apply as a receptionists at a Nail Salon...one not run by asians. NOT MAKING A RACIAL STAB...I'm just saying..

THEN...I'm going to about every Starbucks in my area and both America's Best Coffee's and ANYWHERE ELSE with a bulletin board so I can post Green River Ordinance posters advertising their shows March 27th and 28th...Anyone want to help, feel free to join me..I need someone to photograph the fact that I'm doing my job =)

I'm starving. Darn.

Genesis 2:9 And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

I give up?

Psalm 31:3

Since You are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

So I have been struggling with A LOT lately.

From self-esteem, to education and job stuff, to my separated parents....and pretty much EVERYTHING in between.

I don't know where I'm going in life. I despise school. Why sit in a classroom full of teachings you DON'T care about and pay thousands of dollars for when you don't need it in your career. 

Ew..that word. Career.

I have a passion for music. I love singing and playing instruments. I may not be great but I love it. I LOVE promotions. Helping deserving artists get noticed and spreading GREAT music around is what I love doing. I love helping others. So I thought "Recording Arts" sounds good...right? How about business management?

Another thing I wanna do..Go to Africa. There is a war going on over there where children are getting kidnapped and forced to stand on the front lines. Parents are getting killed and leaving children orphaned....cities being destroyed. I want to clean up and rebuild homes, I want to find clean water, I want to shine a light on the natives and show them there is so much better.

I want to give shoes to those who need them. Do you know how bad we take shoes for granted? Try walking down your street barefoot...you won't like it very much...I doubt these people do either...

So what now? 

I have noticed that I have been trying to pilot my own life..What do I want to do next? What do I think would be best for me? What can I do to make me happy? 

I have noticed that I have been letting my parents get to me. My dad seems to think that I have to have a full time job since I don't go to school..Cuz money is all thats important right? How about a job that I'm going to love going to...A job isn't work if I enjoy going...

Thats why I'm not figuring out the answers to ANY of those questions.

God, Take the wheel....I can't do this on my own. You know what I'm supposed to do next and I want to listen. I want to open my eyes, ears and heart and I'm ready for YOU to show me what's next...what I'm supposed to do. You know. I don't yet and I'm giving up doing this on my own.

God knows what is best for us. He know's all. I've been falling away and thats why all I can focus on is my disfunctional family and my poor self esteem..and how I feel like life is leaving me behind...God will show me what's next...I just need to listen. Satan is clouding my mind with this HORRIBLE thoughts...telling me I can do this on my own.

I've been tired of being in second place for everything. To the pretty girls...to the talented people..the wealthy people...to everything. I'm not winning.

There is a reason for that. When I finally start listening...I will win...what I'm supposed to win.

=

guess what I'm doing.

I'm sitting here...at 7am...eating cereal...waiting to go get my laundry at 715....

then I will put it in the dryer...and wait til about 8 to go get it...

then Idunno what I will do after that..

P.S...I didn't sleep...at all

I AM HAPPY

What a change.

Last night I worked at Village Traders and it was magic hours. I closed Traders with Courtney and we met up with Lauren and Lindsay and went to play in Epcot til midnight. I had so much fun hanging out with them! I love the fact that I now have friends to hang out with outside my apartment. Don't get me wrong..I really do love the girls I live with but we always have crazy different schedules and we are all way different. I have alot in common with Lauren Courtney and Lindsay...we like alot of the same music..Thats big for me LMAO.

Yea so I am thinking about going seasonal here at Disney after my program is over. That just means that I will have to work 40 hours out of the entire year and I get into the park for free all year. I still only get up to 3 people in free up to 6 times....but I could come down here in the summer and work or during breaks or whatever...who knows...I may just wait and do another college program. I already know what I wanna do with my life and I will finish in a year so...yea =P

I miss my friends so much back home. I wish you could all come freakin visit me!

Um....

I believe in me.

I'm losin' myself
Tryin' to compete
With everyone else
Instead of just bein' me

I don't know where to turn
I've been stuck in this routine
I need to change my ways
Instead of always being weak

I don't wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today
And know that I'm okay
Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways
You see, I just wanna believe in me

The mirror can lie
Doesn't show you what's inside
And it, it can tell you you're full of life
It's amazing what you can hide
Just by putting on a smile

I don't wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today
And know that I'm okay
Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways
You see, I just wanna believe in me

I'm quickly finding out
I'm not about to break down
Not today

I guess I always knew
That I had all the strength
To make it through

Not gonna be afraid
I'm gonna wake up feeling beautiful today
And know that I'm okay
'Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways
You see, now, now I believe in me

Now I believe in me


Goodness gracious Demi is one talented girl thats for sure. I love that song and when I listened to it today something hit me...

So I have decided I definatly want to get my certificate/degree/whatever in Recording Arts. How I'm gonna pay for technical school is another issue but we will reach that when we get there. I will just apply for scholarships and loans. I want it and I'm gonna get it. I believe in myself. It's something I have ALWAYS been interested in so why not right? I really believe that thats what I'm supposed to be doing. If that changes then God will let me know. Or if I'm not listening correctly. I sure hope I am tho =P I also know I want to do another College Program. I am going to go in with a goal tho. I would just extend but I have obligations to my best friend and her wedding as the Maid of Honor so I will be going home this spring. I will work a shitload..sorry for that word but I don't think "alot" covers it. If I have to I will find 2 jobs. I have stuff to pay for and debts to my family so I wanna get that covered. I want to start at Media Tech too if that works out. Or another tech school. I want to apply to be in the college program again. Merchandising is going at the bottom of my list tho. I want something new. All I have done is Merch. Every job I have ever done. I want a NEW adventure. I'm thinking charactor attendant. That way I will be in with the Entertainment department. I want to meet someone in the Shows technical department. I might even do that before I leave this program..but I think I want to come back to disney and experience this one more time. WHO KNOW'S....Things are always changing. I am so excited to be home tho. I just realized how jumbled and random this is. Get over it =P Love you all...anywho. I got a 3 page letter from Rosi today. I was so excited. I wanna thank Amy and Rosi for being awesome and sending me letters. I love mail! I know technology is here and there really is no need to spend money on stamps and take the time to write letters but it's fun! So yea thats why I have been sending out so many letters and stuff! Um...Woah..Be Yourself by Audioslave just came on...hehehe yay.

Um I'm going to get ready for work now.

Sunday I'm going to Magic Kingdom and to see Katelyn Tarvers show at The Backbooth
Monday I'm going to Universal Studios!

Yippee Skippee

ok NOW I'm going to get ready for work...maybe.